Why “Nice Guys Finish Last” Is Not True In 2019

By Gary Vaynerchuk, garyvaynerchuk.com

It breaks my heart to think that so many people believe “nice guys finish last” — especially with where we’re at and how far we’ve advanced in 2019.

The reality is, kindness is the ultimate strength not just in business, but in life. Nice guys always win.

Here’s why:

1. NICE GUYS DON’T FINISH LAST, BAD GUYS POSING AS NICE GUYS DO

Most people who say that “kindness is a weakness” are giving with expectation.

When your “kindness” is loaded with an “ask” on the back end, people can smell it from a mile away. You’re not actually being nice, you’re just using kindness as a disguise to get what you want from the relationship.

If you “give” with a hidden agenda, your kindness will feel fake – and people will notice.

2. IT’S HARD TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF WHEN YOU’RE GIVING WITHOUT EXPECTATION

When you give without expectation, you’re happy no matter what. You can’t be taken advantage of because you’re playing a different game.

Even if I provide all the value in the relationship and I get nothing back in the short term, the worst case scenario is that I had a positive impact on somebody through my actions. As a human being, that makes me feel really good.

Don’t feel bad when people take advantage of your kindness. Feel bad for them because if they’re trying to take advantage of you, it shows they’re not in a happy place.

3. KINDNESS ALWAYS WINS WHEN THE CLOCK HITS 0:00

The biggest issue for many is that they see bad behavior get ahead in the short term. Because of that, they get tricked into thinking that bad behavior wins the entire game.

The issue is that they’re just looking at the first quarter. They’re just looking at who’s leading at halftime.

In the macro, kindness gets rewarded. Someone is always watching. People don’t realize it, but the amount of opportunity gained by good people because of their kindness is enormous. On the flip side, the amount of opportunity lost by bad people because of their bad behavior is also enormous.

“Bad” sometimes leads at halftime, but “good” always wins the game – and if you give without expectation of those rewards, many times you’ll  see them come through. 

4. IT’S EASIER TO BE KIND IF YOU’RE COMING FROM A PLACE OF LEVERAGE

It’s much easier to be genuinely kind when you feel that you’re coming from a place of leverage. If you’re not in a good place emotionally — if you’re insecure or worried about what other people think of you — kindness won’t come as naturally to you.

That’s why I believe that giving without expectation is the ultimate strength. 

5. BEING KIND ISN’T THE SAME THING AS BEING A “PUSHOVER”

A lot of people confuse kindness with other things – like being passive or being a pushover.

I think kindness is an incredible advantage and a great business strategy. But I’m also a big proponent of “radical candor.” I always share my truth and my honest opinions, even if they’re not politically correct in the modern world.

Kindness doesn’t have to come at the expense of being a confident person.

As I go through my own life, I realize how big of a factor this quality is to the success of so many people in business (and in life). It’s not just about sales, negotiation, or working hard. Kindness is a huge part of the equation, and I can’t wait for more people to realize it over the next several years and decades 

In conclusion … in a digital world, kindness is rewarded more than ever before.

Before the internet, fakers and people with bad intentions always had the option to hide or move to a different country after they were discovered. They were isolated and lived in the “shadows.”

In a digital world, we don’t have the option to “hide” like before. The internet is exposing all of us. For that reason, the benefits of doing bad behaviors have become dramatically smaller.